his week’s question (Have your own? Submit it here.):
Hey, I saw you answered a question about someone who put their Halloween decorations up too early. I have a different problem. A neighbor a block over has extremely good Halloween decorations: blood and guts, real-looking flesh on bones, a speaker that plays screams when people walk by. It really is impressive. It also... terrifies my toddler. We can’t walk by it anymore and have to go around the block. I know he’s not the only kid who can’t deal with it.
I’m all for Halloween decorations but how far is too far? Do I say anything or just circle the block for another few weeks?
Stephanie Farr, Features Columnist
I love holiday decorations, but I hate gory movies and seeing little kids frightened, so I feel your pain. That being said, you have to gauge what kind of neighbor you’re dealing with here. Someone who puts real-looking flesh on their lawn may not care what your kid thinks.
Perhaps one way to handle it is to compliment your neighbor on their impressive display the next time you see them, and tell them that it terrifies your little one. If they smile, probably best to not take it further. If they’re apologetic they may be open to dialogue. What do you think, Jason?
Jason Nark, Life & Culture Reporter
I am going through this process as we speak with my five year old. Halloween has a pretty wide range of offerings, from gory to spooky, and my neighborhood has some wild ones, including a Dexter-themed house last year that had a lot of blood. Fake blood.
I don’t think you can say much to a neighbor, unless it’s truly offensive.
Stephanie Farr
What about trying to acclimate your child to the scarier parts of Halloween?
You could ask the neighbor if they could interact with their displays in the daylight, to prove they are not real, or you could take your toddler to a Spirit Halloween, to help desensitize them. There’s one around every corner here so it makes it easy.
Maybe relate the decorations to their costume. “You know how you’re dressing up as a ghost this year? This is how people dress up their houses for Halloween.”
Jason Nark
Yes, I try to do that a bit. We walk around during the day, when they’re off or deflated. I take her to Lowe’s.
I’m more offended by a lawn full of inflatables. I like a little creativity, a little more spookiness than sheer gore. I made some amazing ghosts last year with bed sheets.
Stephanie Farr
How very old-school of you! I bet they were boo-tiful.
I too appreciate creativity more than sheer gore. I just passed by a house in Delco the other day with a 12-foot skeleton surrounded by at least a dozen smaller skeletons bowing down to it. While it wasn’t homemade, it was inventive and funny.
A question like this makes me think of what scares me as an adult at this time of year — all the political signs coming out on people’s yards. And we’re stuck with those. Try saying something about a neighbor’s political signs and you’ll only see more of them go up. I worry that might happen if this person tries to confront their neighbor about the gore — they may just double down and get gorier.
Jason Nark
Yeah, I agree. Hard to say what crosses the line these days in terms of decorations. I think it’s best to avoid the house until the child is desensitized, like the rest of us. Or, if you want to take a different approach, you could use these moments to talk about the fragility of life, how the eight-foot-tall skeleton is just a “memento mori,” reminding us all that we too are mortal.
Eh, maybe not.
My daughter finally watched The Nightmare Before Christmas this year, so don’t despair.
Stephanie Farr
I find Jack Skellington insufferable, so I’m proud of your daughter for getting all the way through that movie (though I do find it a fun watch, overall). I’ll never forgive my parents for taking me to see Arachnophobia in the theater with them as a kid. I still hate spiders.
I think it’s good to remember that the world is a much scarier place when you’re a kid (in some ways, anyway) and that it just takes time and exposure to get over some of those fears. You don’t know what will stick with them and what won’t as they age, but in the long run, you can’t protect them from everything so I think talking about their fears and where they come from is always a good thing.
Jason Nark
Yeah, my dad let me watch The Exorcist when I was about 10 and growing up Catholic. Nightmares for years.
Stephanie Farr
That’s some early exposure. I think it’s also hard when you’re a child to differentiate reality from fiction. Having talks about what’s real and what isn’t are important too.
Jason Nark
And if you don’t even really want to have the talk, there are so many options out there for families with children nowadays. There’s corn mazes, farms, all kinds of spooky stuff you can do.
All that being said, it’s probably OK to tell your neighbor that your child is terrified of their decorations.
Stephanie Farr
Agreed. Just be prepared for your neighbor to take your criticism as a compliment.
In the long run, your kids will probably remember the scary movies you make them watch more than your neighbor’s Halloween decorations.
Jason Nark
OK, I will rethink my plans to watch The Exorcist with my daughter.
