DEAR ABBY: Let me start off by saying I have a great life, a good job, a loving boyfriend and family I adore. I’m a 42-year-old woman with grown children and grandkids. In the past, I struggled with low self-esteem and now choose to keep to myself.
My life with my boyfriend of seven years has helped me to be more open and has boosted my self-worth. With him, I don’t have to hold back about what I am truly feeling inside. However, for the past couple of years, I have been wishing to be in a car accident or get injured in some way just to feel pain. I often see accidents on the highway and can’t help thinking “that should have been me.” I don’t want to kill myself or wish harm on others, but I just can’t get this feeling out of my head. I don’t want to talk about it with my boyfriend because I’m afraid he’ll think I might harm myself and would worry. I have considered counseling, but I’m afraid I’ll be prescribed depression medication or, worse, be hospitalized.
I’m sure this isn’t normal, but some part of me hopes I just might be normal and that there are others who think like me. Abby, I’m not sure what I am asking for … maybe reassurance that I am not crazy?
— LOW SELF-WORTH IN TEXAS
DEAR LOW SELF-WORTH: Allow me to be the first person to reassure you that you are not crazy. (The second should be a licensed mental health professional.) You are not alone in your feelings. You have a lot of company.
When people have suffered with self-esteem issues for a long time, sometimes on a subconscious level they begin to feel they deserve any unhappiness that comes their way. When they finally find happiness in their lives, they feel they should be punished for it. That may be what’s going on with you. As to your worry about being locked up if you discuss this with a mental health professional, that’s not true. Many people who know they need to talk to someone harbor the same fear that you have. I hope you will find a way to talk to someone about your feelings, because I believe they can be overcome — not because you now have a wonderful boyfriend, but because you’re stronger and more capable of growth than you think.
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DEAR ABBY: Would it be inappropriate to send a sympathy card to a man who lost his wife a couple of months ago? I love this man; we have a history. We are now in our 60s. We met when we were in our 30s. Please advise.
— LONELY
DEAR LONELY: It would be brazen of you to try to rekindle a romantic spark in this way, but if you can keep your message merely friendly and sympathetic, it should be fine. I advise against making any further gestures, however. If he ever decides he’s ready to start a new chapter with you, he needs to be the one to initiate that.
